I am approaching the start of my Yoga Teacher Training course and thought it would be a great time to make an entry.  The last couple of months have been quite a shift for me and I have overcome some huge obstacles in this short time. Also, I have been able to do a lot of reflecting. I thought it would be appropriate to dig deeper into my “why” and my intentions. Why Yoga Therapy? Why a Health and Wellness Coach? And, what has led me to discovering my why?

In my working years I have been diligent and reliable and have always had strong integrity. It was paying off and I was excelling in my career. I was active, doing a fair bit of yoga, trained and ran a 10k, did my own home improvements, and so on. I had no restrictions really, only the ones I put on myself. At the end of 2014 I remember saying to a colleague that I had the best year of my life. I was managing everything life threw at me and I was loving it. I was happy and high functioning. I didn’t just wake up one day with a bad neck, back, and shoulder, and there was no specific injury that was the cause of my pain. I was dealing with neck pain for a few years by now and would get occasional headaches as a result. I had started to pursue treatment for this because it had gotten worse. My headaches became so debilitating and were occurring at least once a week, I started taking over the counter muscle relaxants and pain killers to mask the discomfort so I could move on with my day. I had to start taking them more frequently, never over the daily dose, and they stopped working. I went to my doctor to ask for help, my family was also pushing me to get it checked out, and I was then referred to a physiotherapist.

I started seeing a physiotherapist and massage therapist alternately every 2 weeks, and for over a year I was able to reduce my headaches and carry on with my daily activities. Then the headaches started to increase in frequency again and I was no longer getting the same relief or release from the therapies I was doing. I also started to get pain in my left shoulder and upper rib cage. The pain had spread down my back and was now affecting the mobility and use of my left arm. It was then that I was sent for imaging with no findings, all sorts of tests with no findings, referral after referral, evaluations, assessments, psychiatric analysis, and received multiple diagnosis’s both physical and psychological. To sum it up I had chronic myofascial pain caused by fibromyalgia and anxiety, and I had a somatic symptom disorder. I was dismissed as a patient from one doctor and told by another to manage it with medication.

The pain progressed and I was getting no relief. Along with the physical limitations came psychological limitations and it began to spiral. I was forced to decide. Decide to submit, submit to the pain, to the doctor’s orders, to the medication. Or subdue, find the strength to conquer and search for another way. During this time, I was my own advocate. I requested further evaluation, testing, and referrals. I was encouraged by my family and friends to keep pursuing and demanding answers. I refused to take doctors’ vague diagnosis’s and kept pursuing the true cause. I had a lot of ups and downs over these years and I’ve really had to push myself to move forward and keep plowing through. I could have accepted the first diagnosis I received and the treatment plan presented to me, but where would that have gotten me? I could not and did not let myself go down that path, and until now I’m still dealing with the same symptoms. But I can tell you that I am extremely happy to have had the knowledge and the courage to know that my body was telling me something was wrong, that there was more to it, and that it was my choice on how I was going to address it moving forward.

I have had a lot of time to reflect on these associations and how I could have approached them differently, or what I should have said or shouldn’t have that may have resulted in someone taking a step further. When it comes down to it, at the end of the day the doctors have forgotten about you and your symptoms, and you are the one that must continue day in and out with the consequences. They can’t relate to what you are going through, therefore, they do not understand the impact one day or one month can have on you, they can’t relate to how big today feels. I’ve learnt in all professions there are the people who care and serve, and there are the people who are just there because that is what they “do” it is their job and nothing more. In my experience, doctors treat symptoms and they look at body functions and systems as individual parts. One of the frustrating things that I encountered in my pursuit of relief is that medical professionals are trained to ask very specific questions, and it is the same questions repeatedly. I noticed that they do not look at the big picture and often evaluate conditions as individual issues. Many times, I tried to show them that I was not someone looking for compensation or a prescription. I tried to show my dedication and explain to them that I am not sitting around doing nothing. I am not sitting in front of the television watching shows everyday all day. I have dreams and goals, I have a career. My quality of life was diminishing and the pain was intruding on my ability to function. I was determined there was a better explanation or cause for such a shift in my physical capabilities, and for my pain to just spread and get worse. There was something dysfunctional about my condition and in order to correct the problem it must first be identified. You know your body best and if something doesn’t feel right then you must be your own advocate. I was so overwhelmed trying to maintain a normal daily life, and kept going though the motions while trying to manage this unknown debilitating state of being that I was in. I had to stop and really process and be aware, I had to identify what my body was telling me.

I literally until this day have not stopped pursuing more answers, better relief, and better doctors who truly care about helping me improve my quality of life. For the very first time in my healing journey I have finally experienced what this feels like. I started seeing a new physiotherapist and both times she has spoken my mind. She is so dedicated to helping others get better and it shows in her work. She applauded me for my efforts and dedication to healing and coping. It was the first time that anyone, other than those close to me, have acknowledged this. Acknowledged that there might be something else, that I am doing all the things that should be helping if I was dealing with the “diagnosis” I was given. This experience has been different from the very beginning, she started asking questions that no one had asked me in the past, and was doing manipulations on my ribs and shoulder that no one has ever done before. She does not follow the usual flow because the usual flow has proven not to be helpful. Her dedication has inspired me and given me a sense of relief, it has been so reassuring. It feels like this encounter could not have been at a better time, it is in align with everything that I have been thinking, doing, and searching for though my recent battles. 

Over the past five or so years I have really struggled with energy, motivation, desire and routine. When you are dealing with chronic pain it tests your patience all the time, it is mentally and physically exhausting. As I mentioned earlier, I know too well how easy it can be to spiral into a depressive state when dealing with a chronic condition. It took a lot of courage, strength, and support to get me to where and who I am today. There are so many people suffering with chronic conditions who have been given a “diagnosis” and told to “learn to live with it”. Then they’re sent off to continue as if life was the same. I have met a range of people with all different types of personalities and intellectual, physical, and social abilities. I know there are people everywhere that could benefit from an advocate, or guidance on how to be their own advocate, and just don’t have the support, resources, or abilities to get the proper care. I want to be the one to help those who are stuck, who have settled for the routine treatment of a condition, those who are not getting the answers they need to get better. I want to help those with limitations and disabilities lead a healthier and more active lifestyle. I want to help them discover how to make activities accessible and fit their needs. I want to help them live their best possible life whether their condition is curable or not.

Most of us never discover our way and don’t know what we want “to be” Either we are following the path of our family history, or, like for me, just taking the first position offered to them. I never truly discovered who I was until these past couple years. I never had my own opinion and didn’t really know what I stood for. I kept asking myself “what can I do where I will be comfortable, that is sustainable, and in align with the lifestyle I need to live?” And, “in what way can I share my strengths with others and empower them?” I thought about several different ideas, but every time I would reevaluate the path and the why, I would keep coming back to the power of yoga and nutrition. Yoga therapists look at each patient as an individual. They evaluate the patient’s whole body, identify all the imbalances, prioritize them, then adjust them one by one. When you are aware of your body and you really listen, it tells you what is good and bad for you, what food is good, activities are good, and so on. You are discovering what your body needs through the stillness of yoga. Yoga has not cured my pain, but you can say that it has “saved my life”. It has allowed me to get in touch with who I truly am, and in finding myself I have discovered my passions and developed my values. Yoga has helped me find peace within all my troubles. It has helped me find the motivation to move forward in my life. Yoga is transforming me, I can feel it, I can see it, and I am living it. It has been so profound and awakening that I cannot turn back, it has changed my perspective on life and us as human beings. This personal experience is all the evidence I need to know that the power is real. I now feel like I have this obligation to share this truth with others.

Another one of my passions is food. I have loved food and cooking since as far back in my childhood as I can remember. As I’ve grown in this area of my life, I have learnt a lot about the connection food has with our body. As I already mentioned, when you listen carefully your body tells you what foods are good and bad for you. A balanced diet of clean and whole foods is the first and most important aspect of health and wellness. There is scientific evidence that links our diet with our ability to function physically and psychologically, and with chronic illness and disease. Again, my personal experiences have validated and have trumped what all the different “diets” and professionals out there argue. I see so many people struggle, including myself, with self image and confidence mainly based around how much they weight, and we’re constantly in search of a diet plan to lose pounds. Meanwhile, probably 40-50% of the businesses down at your local strip mall is a fast food restaurant. Even the “healthy” ones don’t serve you clean, whole foods. And, when you go to the grocery store prepared foods are everywhere, these are also a huge contributor to us eating “fake” food. A large portion of our population is overweight and experiences chronic illness and/or disease because of this. The only way to clean up our diet is to cook for ourselves. I want to make it clear that I am not talking about another diet plan, I am addressing the deeper issue of making a lifestyle change. Something permanent. This can be very challenging to juggle in our busy lives, and especially if we don’t know how. Now like with everything, the more you do it the better and faster you get, and the easier it gets. I want to help people through this hurdle and teach them how to eat clean, whole, and simply.

My Yoga Teacher Training is only the beginning of this new path I have found. I want to be a Yoga Therapist and Health and Wellness Coach. I want to use the tools of yoga and nutrition to help coach people into living the best version of themselves given the circumstances they have. I want others to know that there is more and there is another way. A way to live, way to move, way to heal, way to learn, and way to love. I want to help them discover their way and support them on this journey. This path is different for everyone and we each have different needs and capabilities; yoga allows us to modify our practices to accommodate each of these individual needs.

Thank you again for taking the time to read my story. I will have lots more to share with you in the coming months so stay tuned.

Until next time…. Namaste.

“To be in that place of nothing, it is an essential place to see our habits, patterns, beliefs with greater clarity”

– Sheryl Paul